Victoria Neely

In some online communities, such as YouTube, the average comment looks something like this: “lol lol u ppl suck lol!” You can tell at a glance that it’s pure drivel.

But every once in a while, I’ll see something that looks like it might be worth reading… then it turns out to be pseudo-intellectual fluff. I call this a Mary Bennet post.

Mary Bennet is a character from Jane Austen’s “Pride & Prejudice.” She isn’t attractive like the other Bennet daughters, and she tries to compensate with intelligence. She spends a great deal of time studying and thinking. Yet for all her learning, she almost never contributes anything of value.

Mary seldom joins conversations. Instead, she uses them as opportunities to show off her knowledge. For example, when the others are talking about how the arrogant Mr. Darcy slighted Elizabeth Bennet by refusing to dance with her, Mary gives a spiel about pride and how it differs from vanity.

You can find a few Mary Bennets on the web. Their paragraphs are long and rambling, often stuffed with words like “conjecture,” “hence,” “hitherto,” etc. They will often quote facts (most of them useless or painfully obvious) and refer to authoritative sources. Reading this stuff is like wandering through a confusing maze, only to discover there’s no cheese at the end. Or the wrong kind of cheese, maybe.

How to sound like a Mary Bennet on the web:

• Use highfalutin words and/or phrases that no one would think to use in a conversation.
• Consistently write long sentences and paragraphs.
• Add unnecessary words and phrases.
• Don’t come straight to the point. Phrase things in a roundabout way that causes people to blink and scratch their heads.
• When you edit your posts or articles, make them LONGER, not shorter.
• Use the thesaurus as much as possible.
• Drop references to Aristotle, Nietzsche, Freud, and other famous thinkers of the ages.

Whenever I step into a library or a bookstore, I always have to stop by the writing section. I may not take a book home with me, but I always browse. I also own some good books filled with writing advice. Any writer ought to have a few good books about writing.

However, there’s a danger here. It’s all too easy to study these books as a way to AVOID writing. If you’re not careful, reading books about improving your writing can become a form of procrastination.

Maybe you dream of writing a fantasy novel, but you’re too scared. You don’t know how to begin. Your mind locks up every time you try. If that happens, it can be tempting to start collecting books that tell you everything you need to know about concocting plots, building believable characters, and tightening up your prose.

It’s true that such books can give you valuable advice. However, they are not a substitute for the act of writing. They might inspire you, tingle your senses, give you a rush of motivation–but how long does that last?

Do you immediately start writing, only to give up before you’ve made any real progress?

Do you promise yourself that you’ll start writing that day, only to procrastinate for weeks on end?

Chances are, you know everything you need to know to start writing. Even if you don’t, you can always clean up your first draft. You’re not writing in stone.

Put aside the books and start writing today!

Photo was taken by Ansy of Flickr